Parents going wrong!

Yes, you read it correct. We go wrong plenty of times. We make mistakes more than our kids do! We may not like to admit it but that’s the truth. Our egos have become higher and sense has drooped way below our knees. It’s embarrassing when I find my son behaving in a manner more mature than me. This happens quite often to be honest!

Aren’t we supposed to act with wisdom and experience? Why is it that we become adamant in making them believe in what we’ve grown up believing? How can we expect our children to be on their Good behaviour if we won’t act our age?

Where parents go wrong,

  • Don’t laugh off every mistake your kids commit. That’s where you need to intervene and tell them that they are wrong. I’ve seen parents laughing when their kids become discourteous towards their elders or grandparents or throw tantrums when they receive gifts they don’t like. If you don’t stop them there and then, it is going to encourage such negative behaviour. Never reinforce their uncalled-for actions and if you do, it makes you accountable for their rude demeanour.
  • Avoid discussing family politics in front of the kids. It can be highly damaging for their mind. Children are like sponges and they express curiosity towards everything. We as parents need to filter our topics so our kids retain their innocence and purity of mind and heart. Let them love and be loved by all. Don’t take away their share of warmth that they deserve from others! Speak good about everyone in the family and teach them to respect all. Let them make up their own judgements about people. Don’t pollute their minds. Our tiny riots are forever on a lookout, so be vigilant even if they are busy in something else while you are backbiting someone. Why should they not like someone just because you dislike them? Give them space to bloom into individuals with a heart of gold.
  • Fights and arguments between parents affects the sense of security of their children. Never drag your animosity towards each other anywhere near them. It adversely affects the relations their kids share with them and others. It is also detrimental for their emotional and social well being since all they hear all day long are abuses and negative words by their parents. Hold on your anger when kids are around and vent it out behind the closed doors.
  • Don’t think you can make up for the time you didn’t spend with them by buying them presents. These tender hearts need love and care. How can you substitute both of these with money? Give them your time. Make them feel that you have their back.
  • Stop complimenting and praising them for everything they do. Let’s not make them dependent on acknowledgments and appreciation. They need to learn to accept failure and more importantly the fact that they can go wrong as well. Unnecessary accolades will make them anti criticism.
  • Avoid going that extra mile to keep them busy all the time. Let them be bored so they find out ways to entertain themselves creatively. They should learn to enjoy their company than looking out for external support at all times.

These pointers were just a glimpse of our farrago of missteps. We certainly are capable of more! We as parents are gifted wrong-doers though we may not like to accept it.

P.S It’s time we step into the right shoes and start behaving like grown ups. Let’s not blame our kids of not living upto our expectations. They are perfectly doing their job of following our steps!

Happy parenting 😎

What we say is NOT what they hear!

Almost half of my day is spent wondering why doesn’t he ever listen to me! What I say is just not what he hears 🤦‍♀️

A glimpse of what exactly happens,

  • Me: I’ll be back after a bath Him: Sure! I’ll continue banging the door till you bathe
  • Me: I am on phone, No disturbance! Him: Of Course, I’ll recite, actually shout ‘row row row your boat’ right next to your ears exactly when you’ll be discussing the most important thing!
  • Me: Time to study Him: Agreed, it certainly is time for you to chase me!

Sometimes it becomes so frustrating and I can feel my fingers curling into a fist. Like always, that fist never achieves what its destined to owing to his precious looks. A helicopter mom that I am, then Google’s to find out if everything is right with the wiring of her son 🤔🙄

All I’ve understood so far is that instead of asserting my will, I must give him better choices to focus his energy. If I keep asking him to stop doing that, he certainly would not as that would mean accepting his powerlessness. Kids have higher egos than all of us these days and I can vouch for it. So rather than asking him to go away or forbid him from doing what he is, I direct him towards things like his favourite board games or play the songs he loves on the music player. If he doesn’t stop shouting when I am on phone, I tell him that either he can continue pestering me or may be have his crispies while watching his favourite show till the time I am occupied.

This course of action distracts him for sometime and works much better than the cliched ‘No, don’t do this’, which forever results in the child doing just what you don’t want him to.

I guess somehow we have trained our kids not to pay attention till we shout at them. They know it that they can delay the matter till the last and final call which would be a shrilling yell! They don’t take us seriously until then because that’s how we have conditioned them. That is precisely why they just don’t listen to us and do the opposite.

Our kids take the contradictory path because we as adults do the opposite of what we expect them to do. We tell them not to eat junk food whereas we glut ourselves with it as soon as we get a chance. We ask them not to watch television but we stay hooked on to it when we THINK kids are busy playing (NOTE- kids have 2 pairs of eyes! One pair, at the back.)

Also, one thing that we must do to make them listen and do as we say is to MAKE AN EYE CONTACT WITH THEM. Do we like to listen to people to talk to us looking somewhere else? They seem outright rude. Looking into the eyes of your child while talking to him signals that we mean serious talk. It’s like an invitation to them.

Raising up kids is a gradual process. Changes don’t happen in a day. We need to work on them patiently.

Experiences over Information

It is extremely important that we provide our kids with a life full of experiences. That’s the only way they would learn live and love to learn. Our sole priority these days seems to be focused on textbook learning. This is good from examination point of view but won’t instill in them the passion to know more.

Life is the best teacher and we (parents and the teachers) should act as facilitators and mentors instead of imposing ourselves on them. The schools need to understand this crucial aspect if they want their students to grow into enlightened citizens of the country. The world doesn’t need more bookworms. We need the future generation to be wise and to contemplate about the world from a broader prospective than through the pages of their books.

Take them for visits to museums while teaching history. Show them different topographic differences by arranging short trips to places, when you teach them geography. Organise debates or school elections each time you take up a chapter of political science. Let’s not make our kids couch potatoes. Let them move around, feel and experience things rather than just reading about them.

In my experience, a test is not going to prepare your child for a job, his hands-on experience certainly would. You should not be making your kids sacrifice dance, music or an arts class just to complete two more chapters of science. Don’t snub them when they ask you questions, just because you want to get done with your correction work. Encourage innovation, inquisitiveness and passion towards gaining more knowledge.

The children should not be reading and finishing worksheets after worksheets on different layers of soil. Let them sit outside and feel the soil. Let them see it with their own eyes to understand the concept better. Ask them to interview elderly people in their areas to understand the indian independence through their true stories. The students should be able to see a direct connection of what they study to their own lives.

Cramming up theories is not all, the kids need to be taught about applying those theories in their normal lives! When they see what they read, their understanding widens and retaining power increases. The teachers should use various kinds of aids in classes like real life objects or activities than just textbooks to make the learning engaging.

Parents, teachers and the school authorities should have a common goal for the kids. They should work as a team in offering their children the best of the experiences. It’s time we stop playing this blame game of whose responsibility the kids are or who’s supposed to inculcate in them the right values and knowledge. We all our accountable for the way our future generation acts and behaves. Let’s be one in nurturing them into humans who love and understand the world they live in. They should be made to work as closely as possible with real life situations so that they can deal with the actual problems efficiently!

I am not arguing against books. Theory is also a pivotal part of education but experiences make this journey worthwhile. There should be a balance between both the aspects so the gap between what they study and what they see gets reduced. Move them out if their cocoons and let them explore and interpret the world as it is!

Mom’s magic- home remedies

I have always been a child who’d run to a doctor for every problem, be it a cough, cold or just a tiny cut on my finger. My father is a doctor, so, ofcourse!! Doctors want to cure their kids in no time, so the moment I used to say “Dad, my throat”, he would pop a pill into my mouth without even letting me complete! He is a magical doctor though, Amen!

On the contrary, when I became a mother, I adopted a polar approach. I wanted to take care of my son using natural remedies. I didn’t want him to become dependent on medicines. Adultration and pollution are on the increase these days so kids are bound to fall prey to the toxins every now and then. We can’t keep feeding them medicinal drugs so often. They are only going to make their immune system weak.

This is why I always go in for home remedies over anything else as long as minor ailments are concerned.

Ill be sharing some of the tried and tested cures that work wonders for my son. Have a look ⬇

  • Cold- I give him Eggnog 15 to 20 minutes before sleep so he gets time to digest it (especially during winters). You have to make sure not to give your child anything else after that. Let the concoction work on him overnight. Take a thick bottomed pan and pour a glass of milk in it. As the mill begins to get warm (not boiling), add a beaten egg and stir it. Keep stirring at medium flame because you don’t want the egg to become an omlette. Stir well till the milk and egg blend and the smell of the egg is almost nil. Add 1 tsp full of sugar and vanilla essence and stir again. This takes almost 15 minutes. Basically you are not supposed to let the egg remain raw. Pour the eggnog in a mug and serve it immediately. It is a healthy drink which comforts the child or even adults from the cold. I also put a steamer on, in my bedroom every time he sleeps (twice a day) for at least 30 minutes each. Add a few drops eucalyptus oil to water and nothing else. Keep the doors and windows closed. I have heard of so many cases of kids getting burns because of the steam when parents try to make them do it the way adults do. Place a steamer as a safe distance at a lower level than the bed where your child is sleeping. If your child is allergic to menthol, camphor or things with strong essence, plain water steam would work just fine. Spoonfuls of syrups for cold would only make them sleep like a rock half of the day. You should always give them warm liquids like chicken/vegetable soup, jalebi (an indian dessert) warmed up in milk in addition to foods with lots of vitamin C.
  • Upset tummy– The most important thing that I do in case of diarrhoea is that I don’t starve him. I feed him with small portions at regular intervals. These small portions can be anything from 2-3 glucose biscuits, curd with salt and black pepper, a toasted slice of brown bread with a thin layer of butter, rice with curd, coconut water or tea with carom seeds-fennel seeds and less milk and sugar. I give him eltrolyte solution and probiotics since they promote a healthy digestive system. Starving to cure a loose stomach will only end up making the kids weak and highly low on energy.

  • Constipation1 tsp of honey with lukewarm water before sleep, porridge with milk and sugar or baked beans for breakfast, papaya, 1 tsp of fennel seeds boiled in a glass of water and then cooled a little before drinking, exercises like cycling or brisk walking to trigger bowel movement, lubricating the anus with warm mustard oil and increased intake of fluids throughout the day, are some of the best home treatments for treating constipation.
  • Chest congestion– Congestion often leads to dehydration and dryness so I give him warm fluids like water, clear soups throughout the day (smaller quantity). Turmeric milk also helps in relieving the child. I ensure that his pillow is raised each time he sleeps to avoid nose from getting blocked in addition to turning the steamer on nearby with water and a few drops of eucalyptus oil within the closed doors.
  • Cough– Kids keep falling prey to cough every other day. It is certainly not healthy to give them cough syrups so often. Throat infections are a common problem these days due to numerous pollutants in air. I give turmeric milk to my child with 1/2 tsp turmeric in a glass of milk before sleep. Turmeric has anti inflammatory, viral and bacterial properties. Warm water with a tsp of honey right after waking up or a cup of spiced tea which includes cinnamon, cloves and ginger work as a perfect obstacle in the path of cough. Another way to prevent your child from coughing is to make him gargle with warm water mixed with 1/2 tsp salt 3-4 times a day.
  • High fever– Popping a tablet of paracetamol in their mouth in case of high grade fever shouldn’t be the first step. Place a wet cloth which was dipped in ice cold water on their forehead, hands and feet till you don’t see a marked difference in their body temperature for good. Give a bath with lukewarm water. Remove a few layers of clothes from their body. Keep the room temperature cool and also give them lots fluids. Once their body has reasonably cooled down, then give them a paracetamol.

There is one rule of thumb for curing almost every medical problem in the world, water! It’s a miracle treatment for most of the ailments. Put your kids in the habit of drinking lots of water throughout the day. It would not only keep their bowel movements regular which is the root cause for common diseases, but also keep their skin glowing!

If the symptoms of these diseases persist for more than 3 days even after giving them these home remedies, consult your pediatrician. Don’t remain fixated to the idea of treating your child on your own for long. You are not a doctor at the end of the day!

Try these remedies and also add in some more from your experience in the comments below!

Happy New year, Son!

It’s that time of the year

When euphoria sneaks in

And gratitude oozes unconditionally

Ushering in the new times gleefully

I carry along a storehouse of dreams

Where you are the leading man

So much I want to tell you

Before we bid this year an adieu

Remember, you are my sunshine

So walk tall even when your hopes fall

Believe and tread through the darkness

Into the light of bliss and success

Don’t you fear the unknown

Don’t you stew over the past

I have your back now and forever

Always there to pull you together

Life is lovelier than you think

Only if you smile all the way

It’s all in our heart and mind

So speak good and be kind

Walk, stumble, fall and rise

With a conviction so firm

I know you’ll make it to the crest

Even if not, you’ll still be my best

Your faith can move mountains

Your humility can win hearts

Turn your face towards the sun

Your journey to miracles has just begun

Your life belongs to you

Go on and explore its essence

Feel the music and sway

Keep those bitter at bay

Listen from your heart not ears

Spread love and not tears

Embrace life and not things

Soar high with your wings

Things I learnt from my Mr.4

My son is four and a half and the things I’ve learnt from him so far are way more significant in life than what I knew. I have always believed in the power of learning and have never shrugged off the little pieces of suggestions or information I get from people, be it the younger ones or the experienced! I will always be a curious learner, whether I’d be 40 or 80 and that’s what I am going to teach my son.

There is so much that we can learn from our kids. They are the best teachers because they don’t teach you what’s in the books but bring you closer to life through their actions and attitude towards things which can cast an indelible mark on your thought process. That’s what happened with me and it continues. Everyday is an enlightening experience and it makes me a wiser person than I was.

He has taught me to forgive and forget. Each time I scold him or stop him from doing something, he gets angry for a couple of minutes and then forgets what happened in a blink. He becomes the same old loving boy who hugs and kisses me all the time! How we adults drag our tiffs for years and ruin our age old relations. Talk it out and make up. Life is too short to accommodate our egos and that sulky face.

He has taught me to be myself and stop bothering about what others think about me. A child’s life is so uncomplicated. They do what they want to. They follow their heart. I watch him playing or doing random things, least bothered about what’s going around him. He does things that please him while we do things to please others. 70% of our time is wasted in thinking what our friends or family would say! We forget that this is our life, not theirs. Every time I wanted to go watch a movie or have a day out with my friends without my son, I would drive myself crazy assuming how the family would react. I am trying to work on it. We need to make ourselves happy because we deserve it. Those others will forever do what they have to so you do what you are supposed to. Stop pestering yourself.

He taught me not to judge others. Kids are so pure at heart. They will never divide people on the basis of their colour, background or lifestyle. Everyone is equal in their eyes unless you ingrain in them the fact that they are supposed to judge people on a specific basis. Although I’ve never judged people but my son reinforced my belief. Passing comments or gossiping about how someone looks or behaves is a by product of small minds. Our natural inclination is towards acceptance but it is only because of the wrong conditioning that we behave in unacceptable ways and hold tight the false concepts of division.

He has taught me to live in the present. The other day he wanted to stay at a shopping mall for longer but it was getting late so we headed back home. How disappointed he was and then as we came back home he realised he had left his favourite toy in the mall. It was a small block of Lego. There was no point going back all the way. He was disheartened. He used to carry that block everywhere. He slept with tears in his eyes. The next day he woke up and I dreaded his crankiness. I told everyone not to mention anything about the previous day. To our surprise, he woke up happier than the previous morning. It was as if someone had cast a spell on him. He had forgotten everything and started his new day with enthusiasm and positive energy. We cling on to our past and run after our plans for the future while stomping on our present. We regret and calculate. Every moment brings newer opportunities of growth and fun. Try something new everyday and unleash this unparalleled source of happiness- living in the present.

He continues to teach me and I will always be indebted to him for these moments of self reflection and illumination.

P.S His student today till forever

Inculcating a sense of gratitude

We want our kids to be happy. We go an extra mile to see that smile on their face. All of us are like genies for our babies. They wish it and we make it come true irrespective of our dwindling finances plenty of times. That’s what we live for, ‘to watch our kids in good spirits all the Way’.

This is one aspect of the parenthood. What about the other? Are we teaching them to practice gratitude besides getting their desires fulfilled? Are they thankful enough for what they have and keep getting? There is a rare likelihood, especially in the kids of this generation.

I know and have seen kids throwing tantrums each time they receive a present which they don’t like. They cry, howl right in front of the person who gave them that gift. They don’t even wait till he leaves. Now that’s rude and disappointingly mean on their part. This is where we as parents need to barge in. We can’t go on satisfying ourselves that they’ll learn as they grow up. They won’t till we don’t teach them to respect others and be thankful for what they have!

Take them to slums to make them realise what abundance they’ve been blessed with. Make them visit an orphanage to help them understand how it feels to live without family. Organise a trip to the countryside so they can see the resources they have at their disposal in the cities.

As parents we have way more responsibilities towards our kids than providing them with everything we can. Nobody else is going to shape the way they think and react but us. We need to use this opportunity wisely since our children will always be judged on the basis of their behaviour and attitude in life.

Remember one thing, the more we give them, lesser grateful they’d keep becoming. All this is only going to make them more demanding and greedy. Gratitude doesn’t mean saying a mere ‘Thank You’, there’s a lot more to it. It’s ones lifestyle and mindset. One should be thankful from heart and this sense develops over years. We need to work on our kids right from the beginning.

Being thankful for what they have would make the lives of our children happier and full of satisfaction as well as optimism. Once they understand that what they own is because of others, they’d learn to appreciate togetherness and interdependence in families. Don’t make them materialistic even if you are rolling in money.

Teach them to live with love for everyone around them. Tell them that everything they feel they are entitled to, has to be earned. They need to value money and more than that, value people.

To start with, share a thanksgiving moment with your kids everyday where each member in the family speaks about a thing or two he is thankful for. It can be getting good marks, a family member who spoke good about you or may be the food you shared with your friend. This will not only usher optimism but would help inculcate a sense of gratitude in the children.

Start making them save the money they get as a present or pocket money to buy the things they really want.

Set the right example in front of the kids by treating everyone respectfully.

Guide them to pray every night before sleeping and thanking God for the beautiful life they’ve been blessed with.

Raise your kids to be thankful for all the gifts they’ve unwrapped so far instead of demanding the next new thing.

This thanksgiving, be grateful and start putting a little effort to harmonize your kids with the things that matter- family, love and friendship!